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jokes of the day:
When the Fly Goes Down Three Inches:
There is a fish in a lake watching a fly 3 inches above the
water. The fish thinks if that fly goes down three inches
I'll get it.
Meanwhile on the bank a bear is watching the fish and the
fly and thinks, if that fly goes down three inches the fish
will jump for the fly and I'll get the fish.
While behind the bear on a hill a hunter is watching
everything and thinks that if that fly goes down three
inches, the fish will jump for the fly, and the bear will go
for the fish, and I'll shoot the bear.
Behind the hunter though, is a mouse. The mouse thinks that
if the fly goes down three inches the fish will get the fly,
the bear will get the fish, the hunter will get the bear, and
I'll get the hunter's cheese.
Now stalking the mouse is a cat, the cat thinks that if the
fly goes down three inches the fish will get the fly, the
bear will get the fish, the hunter will get the bear, the
mouse will get the hunter's cheese and I'll get the mouse...
So the fly goes down three inches and the fish gets the fly,
the bear gets the fish, the hunter gets the bear, the mouse
gets the cheese, but the cat misses the mouse and falls into
the water and drowns.
The moral of the story is for every fly that goes down three
inches there is a wet pussy.
+++
Get the Pigs Pregnant:A farmer had 50 female pigs and wanted them all pregnant. His friend told him to screw them himself. If in the morning they were rolling in the hay, they weren't pregnant, but if they were rolling in the mud, they were. The farmer decides this is a good idea, and that night he loads all the pigs into his truck, takes them into the woods, and screws them all.
The next morning, he looks out the window and sees all the pigs rolling in the hay. He's really frustrated, but decides to give it one more shot. So that night he takes all the pigs to the woods and screws them again. The next morning, he looks out the window, and all the pigs are rolling in the hay. He's really tired, but thinks he'll try one more time. That night he takes all the pigs out and screws them yet again.
The next morning, he's too tired to look out the window, so he tells his wife to tell him if the pigs are rolling in the mud or the hay. She goes to the window and tells him he better look for himself. The farmer goes to the window and sees all the pigs in the truck honking the horn and waiting for him.
+++
Cross Check:An Army chaplain, walking through a notorious section of
town, saw a soldier exiting a known house of prostitution.
The soldier paused on the sidewalk and gestured with his
right hand in a manner familiar to the good Catholic
chaplain.
The chaplain promptly approached the errant soldier, saying,
"I'm sorry to see a good Catholic lad like you, coming out of
a place like that."
"Well, padre, I'm not Catholic," answered the GI.
"But I clearly saw you cross yourself as you came out of
there."
"No - but when I come out of a place like that, I always
check four things: My spectacles, my testicles, my watch
and my wallet."
+++
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