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jokes of the day:
Sleeping at Church:
A couple went to church every week, but every week without fail the husband would fall asleep during the sermon.
The wife, being embarrassed by her husband's loud snoring, decided to bring a needle to the next service with her and poke him when he nods off.
The next week when they were in church the husband, as always, fell asleep. When the preacher asked, 'Who created the Earth in 6 days and rested on the 7th?' The wife stuck her husband with the needle and he jumped up and exclaimed, 'Oh my God!' The preacher said, 'That's correct.' And the husband sat down mumbling to himself.
He soon fell asleep again and when the preacher got to the question, 'And who died on the cross to save us from eternal damnation?' The wife stuck her husband again and he jumped up and exclaimed, 'Jesus Christ!' And the preacher said, 'Right again.' With this the husband fell suspicious of his wife and decided to catch her in the act.
The husband pretended to fall asleep while keeping an eye on his wife when the preacher said, 'What did Mary say to Joseph after Jesus was born?' The wife started to poke her husband again, but before she could the husband jumped up and exclaimed, 'If you stick that damn thing in me again, I'm going to break it in half!'
Get the Pigs Pregnant:
A farmer had 50 female pigs and wanted them all pregnant. His friend told him to screw them himself. If in the morning they were rolling in the hay, they weren't pregnant, but if they were rolling in the mud, they were. The farmer decides this is a good idea, and that night he loads all the pigs into his truck, takes them into the woods, and screws them all.
The next morning, he looks out the window and sees all the pigs rolling in the hay. He's really frustrated, but decides to give it one more shot. So that night he takes all the pigs to the woods and screws them again. The next morning, he looks out the window, and all the pigs are rolling in the hay. He's really tired, but thinks he'll try one more time. That night he takes all the pigs out and screws them yet again.
The next morning, he's too tired to look out the window, so he tells his wife to tell him if the pigs are rolling in the mud or the hay. She goes to the window and tells him he better look for himself. The farmer goes to the window and sees all the pigs in the truck honking the horn and waiting for him.
Pubic Hair:
Jessica was toweling off in front of the mirror when she noticed a few gray pubic hairs. She bent down and said to her privates... "I know you haven't been getting much lately...but I didn't know you were so worried about it!"
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