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jokes of the day:
Penis Receipts:
When the ark's door was closed, Noah called a meeting with all the animals...
"Listen up!" he said in a demanding voice. "There will benosex on this trip. All of you males, take off your penis and hand it over to my sons. I will sit over there and write you receipts. After we see land, you can get your penis back."
After a week, Mr. Rabbit stormed into his wife's cage and was very excited.
"Quick!" he said, "Get on my shoulders and look out the window to see if there is any land out there!"
Mrs. Rabbit got onto his shoulders, looked out the window, and said, "Sorry, no land yet."
"Damn!" exclaimed Mr. Rabbit.
This went on every day until Mrs. Rabbit got fed up with him.
Mrs. Rabbit asked, "What is the matter with you? You know it will rain for 40 days and nights. Only after the water has drained will we be able to see land. Why are you acting so excited every day?"
"Look!", said Mr. Rabbit with a sly expression, as he held out a piece of paper, "I got the horse's receipt!"
Push-ups:
A dog, a cat, and a penis are sitting around a camp fire one night.
The dog says, "My life sucks, my master makes me do my business on a fire hydrant!".
The cat says, "I don't think so, my master makes me do my business in a box of cat litter."
The penis outraged, says "At least your master doesn't put a bag over your head and make you do push ups until you throw up!
Alligator Hunting:
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.
She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst
way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local
vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude
of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll
just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of
shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe
you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set
on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he
spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water,
shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator
swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the
creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the
swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead
creatures.
The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde
flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out,
"Damn it, this
one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
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