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jokes of the day:
Scale:
A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you
your fortune and weight and dropped in a coin.
"Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small,
white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a
great lover."
"Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too."
---
Come judgement day:Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. The Lord comes and says "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St Peter."
Said and done, the next time The Lord looked the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man. The Lord got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"
And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here"
---
Confessions:Ted and Julie go to bed with one another for the first time.
Julie: I think I should warn you Ted, I've got acute angina
Ted: You're breasts aren't bad either.
---
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